I want to be able to see this view everyday…
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Loading ...Monthly Archive for June, 2007
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Me and grandma
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Loading ...I remember distinctively that I equate National Service to the stoppage of an individual’s time, where he cease to live his own life but let the country seize his. Only during weekend book outs do time flow again and the word freedom comes into mind again.
In a few hours I’ll be reporting in at Jurong Camp, as a Plant Engineer for 30th SCE, the siong-est SCE around.
The black puma cap which Si Hui bought for me which I wear around all the time will be replaced by an ugly free gift from SAF.
I’ll have to do as much pumping as the amount of potato chips and twisties I ate as a civilian.
Computer will soon be a rarity.
I’ll miss playing around with my new Nikon P5000.
My vocation is FD ENGR PNR - PLANT, which I hope means Plant Engineer, which is a relatively slacker vocation compared to those with just FD ENGR PNR. From my research Plant Engineers operate heavy machines or drive those heavy vehicles, like cranes, trucks, bulldozers, etc. If I am really a plant engineer, and if I can’t find a job in the infocomn industry next time, maybe I’ll just and drive the bulldozer in a construction site, or operate the crane. I heard it pays relatively well.
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In the past 2 days I was very touched by 3 of my loved ones: my dad, mum and gf.
My girlfriend came to my house and accompanied me for a whole day both yesterday and today. We shared tears together.
My mum paid for and gave me the Nikon P5000 camera (at first she say I’ll have to pay her interest at $50 per month, but in the end she say she is giving it to me just like that). $540 is alot in my household, and I am touched that she was willingly to give that amount to me to acquire a camera. Regardless, I’ll try my best to save up and pay her back, although with the meager NS allowance it will take a long time. Donations are still welcome btw 
My dad offered to take half day off tml, and use his $20 coupon to allow him to drive his red number plate car to fetch me to the camp.
In an environment filled with love, my affair with suicidal thoughts has become nothing but a dreamy one night stand.
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Loading ...Using only HTML tables, some super geek out there actually drew!
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Loading ...(Note: I haven’t gotten around to read the entire manual yet, and I’m still a noob at photography, so all the follow photos are taken using auto mode, with minimal adjustments, like exposure, macro, zoom, iso, etc.)
Durian Tree
More durians
Mangosteen
Mangosteen
Caterpillar eggs
The Road
Nature Fan
Fish
Rambutan
Mimosa Flower
Donno what flower
Tarzan
Moth
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Loading ...(I know my previous 3 posts are entirely out of character, but I just have to stop bottling everything up inside me. So now, on a lighter note…)
Interesting fan-made video for the MP3 player i’m using now.
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Loading ...When I was about to be enlisted he was afraid that I am a slow learner, and taught me how to tie the boat laces beforehand.
He gave me materials to read on how NS is like.
When I was posted to 30sce, he went online and printed out information on 30sce for me to read when I reach home from my date.
He fetches me whenever I book out or book in.
He fetches my girlfriend home many times.
He bought an expensive and beautiful bag for my sister from his oversea trip, only to be thrown aside by my sister without even using it once because according to her, the bag “looks too young”, and he never complaint.
He is my dad.
Why do I, at the end of these recent 3 posts, felt water rolling around at the front of my eyes?
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Why do I feel suicidal and depressed this afternoon, that I had to bang my head against the wall many times, and scream into my pillow, something which I had never done before in my life? Why is the noble notion of protecting or serving the country so depression inducing that even I, someone known to others as totally stress immune, broke down and teared?
Why is love best appreciated when it is suspended from us? Why is war a default method by mankind to decide defeat and victory? Why is the government able to take over 2 precious years of life in every single males?
Life is life only when a being is able to live it. I am not able to live my life these 2 years. Am I already dead, hence there is no need for me to feel suicidal anymore?
Why am is my life so negatively affected by such a noble notion? Physically and mentally, I suffered. And when I suffer, my loved ones do as well.
What gives a country such a powerful control over the many million lifes living in it?
I am a firm believer of freedom and morality. Why doesn’t the country feel guilty about negatively impacting the life of so many?
I simply don’t understand anything anymore.
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I can only indulge in the many materialistic pleasures while I serve, as life gives me no other joy. Perhaps, materialistic pleasures, and samples of love and hope and freedom each weekend is what keeps me going.
Why do I tear so much ever since enlistment? I am a man. I’ve got to be strong. Yet I feel strong is an excuse behind which true man hide their weakness and emotions. I am a transparent person. I have nothing to hide. I have feelings. I have emotions. I need to cry.
I’ve got a feeling that the next few nights, including tonight, will be spent sleeping on a slightly damp pillow.
And looking at the future, I don’t see how my pillow can be dry until 15/03/09, the magical date.
Life is wasted when you anticipate the future so much that you ignore the present.
Yet I have no choice but to do that now.
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Loading ...She held me close to me when I need her most.
She cried when she saw me cry.
She is always beside me when I need her most, yet I couldn’t be with her when she need me.
She listens to my geeky speaks, and puts up with my temper.
She gives me surprises and gifts that far surplus what the word “love” encompasses.
She is freaking cute.
She is my girlfriend.
When the nation “needs me”, I’ve got to serve, to “protect it”. But why does serving the nation means protecting our loved ones, when my long period of absence from their life only cost them sadness and misery? Why protect the nation when I can’t even be there for her when she needs me most?
What is this?
I love Si Hui.
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Loading ...She spend two hours to make grass jelly drink for me and my dad’s sore throats.
She spend one whole day on the ironing board ironing my smartest No.4.
She nag at me and I asked her to stop it.
Her birthday came and I was too busy to get something for her.
She helped me transfer my clothes from my old messy closet to the new one, when I am supposed to be the one doing it myself.
She research where sells the best Lor Mee, and bring me there to eat, because she knows Lor Mee is my favourite dish.
She bought me a Nikon P5000 when she know how badly my sister and I need a proper digital camera. She even suggested we get more expansive models.
She is my mother.
I want to spend more time at home with her, so that she won’t feel so bored and lonely. Yet that is not to be.
The nation calls for me to spend my time accompanying outdated machineries, bath in mud, and face the ground. To “protect the country”, while I can’t even be with her to keep her company.
I love you mum.
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